All posts by Alex

Good, Bad, Myself

As long as I remember myself, I always tried to be perfect.

When I was 7 years old, it meant:
– hiding my emotions (whenever I was pissed off, I acted like I did not care);
– being a straight A student at school;
– being an obedient child at home.

It was easy. I was really good at it.

I always thought that living like this was my true path. It was essence of my personality.

Then, at around 17, boom! Panic attacks, anxiety, depression.

I was barely coping with university education program. I studied hard, but still it felt like I was so far behind other students.

Even those almost-dropouts made better than me: yes, they had problems with their study, but looked like they did not care. They had rich social life: something I was deprived of.

On the global scope, the pattern I used throughout my childhood, my super-perfect style did not work anymore. I lost my superpower. …And those coward panic attacks, every episode of which I thought I was gonna die…

People told me all the time: relax, take it easy. Rationally, they were right. But I just could not make it.

If I did it, it would meant that I betrayed myself, my very core.

I had to be sure that everything was under control. What if I get distracted? Catastrophe! Boy, my life was already a catastrophe.

But it was MY catastrophe. So familiar and cozy.

Relaxing was not part of me. I considered ‘having fun’ and ‘taking it easy’ to be an escape for the weak people.

But the only weak person in the room was me.

Why I could not allow myself to relax? Why I was afraid to lose control over my stressed out life?

Becase it meant to become bad.

good = perfect

In my mind, I was good only when I was perfect. That was my whole life’s ultimate equation.

I didn’t want to disbalance it. I was afraid to break it.

I didn’t want to become bad. Noone wants to be bad. But I became too bad at being good. And that was the deadend in my life.

Now I am good at being bad.

Still looking for the way to be good at being myself.

COMING OUT as… an Introvert

What does “come out” mean? If you’ve never met this definition before, shortly, it’s an act of revealing someone’s sexual identity publicly.

You probably know cases when some celebrity or famous youtuber admitted publicly, that s/he is gay. That is it. Also, it may be less noticeable, when a member tells to the rest of her/his family about sexual orientation.

Although, I’m a person of traditional sexual tastes, I imagine how difficult (and sometimes, dangerous) coming out may be, and how much courage it takes.

Extrapolating this particular kind of “come out” to a wider specter, obviously, it is never easy to say anything out loud, when that what you’re talking about confronts with conservative views and beliefs.

How is it all connected to introversion? Continue reading COMING OUT as… an Introvert

How To Become An Extrovert When You’re An Introvert

When we have always been an introvert, it is hard to shake the habit. It seems extroverts have plenty of fun though so here is how to become more of an extrovert instead…

Take Yourself Completely Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Introverts tend to stick to what they know. The shyness and lack of confidence and the potential for looking inward means we as introverts often don’t want to try new things in case they fail or mess it up.

Taking the opportunity to do something completely out of our comfort zones removes the potential to be an introvert and often forces us into showing the extrovert in ourselves. Trying out a new hobby that we would never have considered before, maybe even dipping our toes into the world of online dating with sites like iamnaughty giving us the opportunity to be a little cheekier than we normally are – there are so many things out there that we can do that are completely out of our own personal comfort zones.

Some much people much prefer their own company – and that’s okay if that is what you like – but if you’re wanting to become a little more extroverted, you need to put in the effort by trying some brand new things.

Fake It Until You Make It

It may sound silly but some people who seem really extroverted or confident are actually just really good actors and are perhaps even more introverted than you. Some people really struggle with being confident in themselves but can act the big ‘I am’ when in company – simply because they are pretending to play a role. Continue reading How To Become An Extrovert When You’re An Introvert

How To Overcome Shyness: Three Easy Ways

Shyness can be a horrible affliction to have and it can strike us in the most awkward of places. Here are three easy ways to overcome shyness.

Put Yourself Out There

So many people in this world claim to be shy but can find their shyness being overcome through trying a few different things. Putting yourself out there needn’t be too scary – there are a variety of ways in which you could do this and hope to overcome your shyness.

Shy people are often lacking in confidence so times when it is best to try and bring someone out of their shell is when they have achieved something. Whether they have been nominated for something or even won something, this should give them a little boost of confidence and as this is usually paired alongside a speech of some description, makes them have to confront the situation head on. Some people who thought themselves quite shy are able to flourish in this situation as their confidence has been a little boosted by what they have achieved.

That isn’t to say that winning or being nominated for something is the only way to put yourself out there though. A great way is to meet new people – whether you choose to meet new friends through a shared hobby such as a book club or running or whether you choose to meet singles online and consider pursuing a relationship. Meeting new people means you have to be quite vocal – you need to tell them about yourself and make conversation – which is great for helping someone who is quite shy. Continue reading How To Overcome Shyness: Three Easy Ways

Building Up Your Confidence When Dating

When dating, it can sometimes be a little baffling to us as to why someone is interested in dating us. Here’s how to build up your confidence and know what you deserve.

Find Someone With Similar Interests

When dating, it can be a big confidence boost if you find someone who is into similar stuff to you. We often find it hard to talk to others about topics we are not quite so knowledgeable about so it is always handy if we meet someone who knows a thing or two about something we are passionate about and are also able to hold a conversation.

Passion for something will often take over and your shyness gets put to one side as you reason as to why you feel this particular way or that way. Knowing that someone is interested in what we have to say is great for the ego.

Get A Little Naughty

Dating can mean a few different things. You can be dating someone exclusively or just dating – not dating anyone in particular but keeping your options open. A great way to get a confidence boost is by dating a few different people at a time. This is not to say do it behind their backs – actually make it clear from the offset that you are interested in going on dates with a few different people. Continue reading Building Up Your Confidence When Dating