All posts by Alex

Jerks will be jerks. No matter what you do

Have you ever tried to win the favor of a  jerk?

Wow, man! Why would I want to win the favor of a jerk in the first place?! — you ask justifiably.

Well, there are some people. You may conclude that s/he is a real douchebag. S/he talks like a douchebag, acts like a douchebag. But it’s just a mask. It’s a shield those people hide their vulnerable personality under. That’s what I mean. These kind of jerks.

So you act benevolently toward them. You sincerely want to be a friend of the person.

But that person stays jerk. Your hopes to make friends are crushed.

You know why? Because jerks are jerks. And the assumption that this guy is just a miserable human being, who was not loved enough by his parents during his childhood, is wrong. lol.

Well, I know a guy. He’s a piece of shit. He’s made of so top-quality shit, that I merely cannot believe it.

As a fool, I was trying to be his friend for quite a long time, hoping to crack his shell, under which I saw that insecure boy.

But the boy was not there. The boy did not exist. There was just more shit under the hood.

Lately I watched ‘Adventure Time with Finn And Jake’ cartoon series and my attention was attracted by the episode called ‘Freak City’. In a nutshell, main heroes encounter a wizard. The wizard asks them if they have any food. They give him a sugar cube, and the former turns one of the heroes in the big foot.

Adventure time. Freak City.

In the end of the episode, they meet again, and the hero concludes that it was his fault of being turned into the foot: he shared a sugar cube awating some reward. They have the following conversation (irrelevant parts are omitted):

Finn: Oh. You were trying to teach us to be kind without expecting anything return. I should’ve given you that sugar cube without even thinking about a reward.
Magic Man: Wrong! <…>
Finn: I wish I’d never been nice to you ’cause you’re just a big jerk!
Magic Man: Oh, yes, that’s it! You’ve finally learned your lesson. [Zaps them with magic that returns them back to normal] And now I’m off spread my teachings to more sissy do-gooders. <…>
Finn: <…> Wait, so, what was the lesson we just learned?
Jake: [shrugs] Maybe it was, don’t give your sugar to jerks.
Don’t be kind with douchebags, because they will stay douchebags no matter what you do. You will just waste your time and will get nothing but disappointment in return.
Picture of Adventure Time episode and transcripts by adventuretime.wikia.com

Good, Bad, Myself

As long as I remember myself, I always tried to be perfect.

When I was 7 years old, it meant:
– hiding my emotions (whenever I was pissed off, I acted like I did not care);
– being a straight A student at school;
– being an obedient child at home.

It was easy. I was really good at it.

I always thought that living like this was my true path. It was essence of my personality.

Then, at around 17, boom! Panic attacks, anxiety, depression.

I was barely coping with university education program. I studied hard, but still it felt like I was so far behind other students.

Even those almost-dropouts made better than me: yes, they had problems with their study, but looked like they did not care. They had rich social life: something I was deprived of.

On the global scope, the pattern I used throughout my childhood, my super-perfect style did not work anymore. I lost my superpower. …And those coward panic attacks, every episode of which I thought I was gonna die…

People told me all the time: relax, take it easy. Rationally, they were right. But I just could not make it.

If I did it, it would meant that I betrayed myself, my very core.

I had to be sure that everything was under control. What if I get distracted? Catastrophe! Boy, my life was already a catastrophe.

But it was MY catastrophe. So familiar and cozy.

Relaxing was not part of me. I considered ‘having fun’ and ‘taking it easy’ to be an escape for the weak people.

But the only weak person in the room was me.

Why I could not allow myself to relax? Why I was afraid to lose control over my stressed out life?

Becase it meant to become bad.

good = perfect

In my mind, I was good only when I was perfect. That was my whole life’s ultimate equation.

I didn’t want to disbalance it. I was afraid to break it.

I didn’t want to become bad. Noone wants to be bad. But I became too bad at being good. And that was the deadend in my life.

Now I am good at being bad.

Still looking for the way to be good at being myself.

COMING OUT as… an Introvert

What does “come out” mean? If you’ve never met this definition before, shortly, it’s an act of revealing someone’s sexual identity publicly.

You probably know cases when some celebrity or famous youtuber admitted publicly, that s/he is gay. That is it. Also, it may be less noticeable, when a member tells to the rest of her/his family about sexual orientation.

Although, I’m a person of traditional sexual tastes, I imagine how difficult (and sometimes, dangerous) coming out may be, and how much courage it takes.

Extrapolating this particular kind of “come out” to a wider specter, obviously, it is never easy to say anything out loud, when that what you’re talking about confronts with conservative views and beliefs.

How is it all connected to introversion? Continue reading COMING OUT as… an Introvert

How To Become An Extrovert When You’re An Introvert

When we have always been an introvert, it is hard to shake the habit. It seems extroverts have plenty of fun though so here is how to become more of an extrovert instead…

Take Yourself Completely Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Introverts tend to stick to what they know. The shyness and lack of confidence and the potential for looking inward means we as introverts often don’t want to try new things in case they fail or mess it up.

Taking the opportunity to do something completely out of our comfort zones removes the potential to be an introvert and often forces us into showing the extrovert in ourselves. Trying out a new hobby that we would never have considered before, maybe even dipping our toes into the world of online dating with sites like iamnaughty giving us the opportunity to be a little cheekier than we normally are – there are so many things out there that we can do that are completely out of our own personal comfort zones.

Some much people much prefer their own company – and that’s okay if that is what you like – but if you’re wanting to become a little more extroverted, you need to put in the effort by trying some brand new things.

Fake It Until You Make It

It may sound silly but some people who seem really extroverted or confident are actually just really good actors and are perhaps even more introverted than you. Some people really struggle with being confident in themselves but can act the big ‘I am’ when in company – simply because they are pretending to play a role. Continue reading How To Become An Extrovert When You’re An Introvert

How To Overcome Shyness: Three Easy Ways

Shyness can be a horrible affliction to have and it can strike us in the most awkward of places. Here are three easy ways to overcome shyness.

Put Yourself Out There

So many people in this world claim to be shy but can find their shyness being overcome through trying a few different things. Putting yourself out there needn’t be too scary – there are a variety of ways in which you could do this and hope to overcome your shyness.

Shy people are often lacking in confidence so times when it is best to try and bring someone out of their shell is when they have achieved something. Whether they have been nominated for something or even won something, this should give them a little boost of confidence and as this is usually paired alongside a speech of some description, makes them have to confront the situation head on. Some people who thought themselves quite shy are able to flourish in this situation as their confidence has been a little boosted by what they have achieved.

That isn’t to say that winning or being nominated for something is the only way to put yourself out there though. A great way is to meet new people – whether you choose to meet new friends through a shared hobby such as a book club or running or whether you choose to meet singles online and consider pursuing a relationship. Meeting new people means you have to be quite vocal – you need to tell them about yourself and make conversation – which is great for helping someone who is quite shy. Continue reading How To Overcome Shyness: Three Easy Ways