Why Do People Love the Imperfect Ones

Have you ever found yourself thinking this way: “To be in love relationships with someone, first I should improve my body, improve my communication skills, earn a lot of money and buy that new sunglasses”? And even if you’ve improved all the above, you find out that the list hasn’t shorten – it became larger, because of the new “improvements”, which, as you figured out, you should make before getting into relationships. You have to be the most perfect, the ideal one, other way you don’t let yourself to get into romantic relationships. Even if your potential love partner gives you the green light, you simply refuse to continue, until you become really perfect. But every day you see a lot of people around you, who are in the relationships, and they are far from perfect. And you keep asking yourself: “Why am I trying so hard and have nothing, and that ugly/jobless/short/tall/insert_your_definition one does nothing but somehow has a girl who loves him?”

I had that fault belief either. I was pretty sure, that I should, no, I must be perfect first, and only then I can be loved. If you aren’t perfect, well, at least you have to spend your life fanatically trying to reach it. “Get perfect or die trying”, you know. Every time talking to a girl, I was figuring out “Am I perfect enough to be in any relationships with her? Or should I whiten my teeth first?” Really sad.

However, it was very clear logically – the better, the more improved you are – the higher possibility that someone will like you. But does it really work this way? Mostly not.

Ask yourself, why do people love imperfect ones? My answer is:

The human being in the first place looks for and loves the one, with whom it feels itself comfortable. The one, with whom it accepts itself with all its complexes and shortcomings, the one, with whom it feels itself confidently. And the question is not whether your love object is perfect or not – the question is how you feel yourself beside it. So my answer for the question “Why do people love imperfect ones?” – “Because the loving human being (the subject) feels itself well and comfortable around its object of love.”

As you can see, the answer isn’t something huge and philosophical. It’s short and simple. But answering this question was one of the most insightful moments of my present life, and it really made me feel better and brought me relaxation.

December 18th, 2011

4 thoughts on “Why Do People Love the Imperfect Ones”

  1. This article touched a nerve for some reason. All through school, I have been the rejected/neglected one and I believed the reason for this was because I was “different”, I wasn’t like the others, however hard I tried to be.

    So naturally (the “logic” that you speak of), I decided that the only way I could ever get accepted and someday find someone would be to become perfect, in every sense of the word imaginable. I remember a time when I considered sweating to be wrong and I would do anything to not sweat or if I was (I live in a super-humid place), I’d just stay away from people – which, pretty much, was all through college.

    Too much time passed, things aren’t the same anymore and lets just say that I can’t have someone in my life now. So for anyone reading this,take this from two well-meaning introverts, your kindred spirits: please shove all these notions aside and if you like/love someone, just take the leap. Life is too short to worry about meaningless crap.

    Great article and I’m an instant fan. : )

    1. Thank you for your comment!

      In fact, I got inspired with your last words, those about getting rid of notions. I’m sure everyone who reads these lines will benefit from them.

      Thank you for sharing your feelings. Great comment, so now I’m your fan too. : )

    2. Why can’t you be with someone? I’m really curious. I just feel like for some reason I have to know?

  2. Hello!
    Somehow this so relates to me. But one should not ignore the fact that the better you become the better you attract. There is only good in improving yourself. In your 20s especially 😉

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