There were many times in my life when people tried to help me to find a love partner. Offers came from everywhere: co-workers, friends, relatives and even clients! And they still do. For example, two weeks ago I’ve been on a blind date. It was arranged by the client of the company I work for!
If you’ve been lonely for a long period of time (I mean, no relationships), people who surround you in everyday environment will definitely notice it.
No doubt, that they will start asking you now and then whether you have got a boyfriend/girlfriend already. And if not, then when are you going to get one.
Well, some people ask once and don’t disturb you anymore. However, there is always at least one annoying person around you, who is interested in your life more than in his/her own. S/he will bother you with those irritating questions over and over again.
I’m sure you’ve been in a similar situation too. Sometimes you want to punch that person in his/her curious face, don’t you? 🙂
Unfortunately, if you change your job, your friends and even the country you live in, it won’t help you in the long run. People are the same everywhere. Yes, it may make some sense in the short run. But when people get to know you better everything will take its place.
So if we can’t change it, let’s try to see it from another angle.
When It Seems Like People Taunt You
When people pay too much attention to your issue, it may look like they are mocking you intentionally. Well, sometimes that’s true. However, most of the time your problem is just another topic for them to talk about.
Of course, there’s unpleasant factor in so much attention. From my experience I should say, sometimes it just maddens me.
Even so, try to put aside your emotions for a while and use a business approach to your current circumstances. If you have to deal with this situation again and again then gain something from it.
If a person bugs you repeatedly, tell that person to help you instead of just making witty comments on your issue! Trying to be clever is easy. Everyone can do it. Ask your friend/co-worker if s/he really can help you. Without any jokes. And if s/he can, then accept this help.
In fact, despite of all negative associations you have with that person, s/he may turn out to be really useful in your quest to find a love partner. Use this opportunity!
When People Cross the Line
As I’ve mentioned in the previous subhead, generally people have no intention to humiliate you personally when making jokes about your private life or talking about it.
The truth is that they consider their jokes and talks to be quite light. They are sure that you should take it easy. They don’t bother being considerate, because they do not have the same problem as you do. They are not bonded with the issue emotionally, so they don’t feel what you feel.
However, sometimes people become too active telling you that you should get a boyfriend/girlfriend at last. I guess, from their point of view they are trying to motivate you to take action. But if the pressure is too high, it may end up having the opposite effect.
It’s like reminding the person who is ill that s/he is ill every day. Will it help him/her to recover? I think, not.
The same applies here. I don’t know how you feel, but regarding me, if several different people tell me that I am … years old and still do not have a girlfriend, it can really ruin my day (or even a week).
How to deal with it? I’ve come up with two options.
The first option is to stop communicating with those people. But as I’ve said before, the people are the same everywhere. So that is not such a good solution.
The second option (which is much better) is to tell people that they’ve gone too far with their jokes. If the people you communicate with are adequate enough, they will correct their behavior. For example, I had a conversation not so long time ago. I said to the person: “If you want to help then you can help, but don’t make fun of my problem”. I don’t know yet if that person corrects his behavior in the future, but at least I’ve shared my thoughts with him.
When People Just Offer You Some Help
Although it may look like you are in a hostile environment from time to time, there are still much more good people who really want to help you. And they can actually.
Back in then I used to refuse when people offered me their help. I was young and, of course, too proud to accept any help from others. I wanted everything to be done by myself. If my friend would say that s/he knows a cute girl s/he wants me to meet, I would answer that I was OK and didn’t need to be acquainted with anyone.
However, a man rarely achieves great results (in relationships or business) without any help.
When I started to notice that I didn’t do any progress in the area of “love & relationships”, I had changed my attitude. These days I don’t reject help right away. First, I analyze if it’s applicable under my current circumstances and if I can really get positive results with this help. And only after that I make my decision.
Probably you used to do everything by yourself and it insults you when someone offers you help. But try to approach it this way – what are you going to lose if you accept this help?
Furthermore, everyone has an area of life which s/he feels insecure about and wants to improve it. So it’s not a unique situation when someone needs help.
Sometimes it may seem like people are intentionally trying to mock you. Try to see through this behavior to grasp the opportunities it may possess. At the same time, don’t let them cross the line.
Also, when someone offers his/her help to you, it doesn’t necessary mean that s/he thinks you’re not capable of dealing with your issue by yourself. S/he may just want to really help you overcome your problems.
July 14th, 2012