Many of us struggle deciding Should I stay or Should I go? The less risky a person is, the harder it is to make the final decision. You may bounce back and forth between two decisions endlessly.

Eventually, you may prefer to stay at parents home “for a little while more”.

That is wrong decision, of course.

My opinion is dogmatic, because moving out is really a must-be-taken step on your path from childhood to adulthood.

Leaving the nest is important for improving your social skills and life skills overall.

Perhaps, today we rely on Google too much in terms of decision-making. We browse social networks and forums relying on other people’s views. Sometimes it helps.

However, some tips for moving out of your parents house you may find in www do not help. Instead, they may turn off you from the crucial adult decision you are about to make.

Some tips you may encounter on the Internet, some you may receive from your off-line environment. All of them do more harm than good.

Here they are:

1 Moving out with no money is a good idea

We all admire people who can make money from nothing in a short period of time, but are you really sure you can find enough $$$ to pay your bills in the end of the month without a traditional job?

Do not overestimate your financial skills, and your social skills. Perhaps, your plan is to move out and then suddenly come up with a brilliant business idea, or talk your friend into letting you stay at his/her place for a night, and stay a little bit longer. It’s a bad idea. It won’t work.

You may improve skills, mentioned above, later. But for now make sure you have a regular 9 to 5 job which covers your basic needs in rent and food before moving out of home.

Also it’s a good precaution to save up a budget which may cover 3 months of your expenses if you lose your job for some reason.

2 Wait for perfect circumstances

You may want to postpone your leave until you find that perfect place you dream of with a splendid view of the city/ocean/mountains.

Or perfect neighbours who are no less than your soulmates.

You may be telling yourself that you’re ready to move out from parents when you find a better paid job (which you also would love), or when the country’s economics overcomes crisis.

You may convince yourself that if every of these circumstances falls into place, you’re ready to leave. But that’s a trap.

Excuses, like these, for not moving out will come up again and again.

Perfect is bad.

In fact, all you need in order to move out is a job (which you may not even like) to cover your basic expenses.

Mediocre results are better than the results postponed forever.

3 Think everything ahead

If you try to think every possible obstacle you may stumble upon when living on your own ahead, it may hold you back from taking actual actions at all.

I’m a person who does not like surprises. Even for birthday, I prefer receive gifts from the clearly determined wishlist.

I like plans. Sometimes I go too far and spend too much time on planning than doing. This is my flaw I struggle with.

So if you, like me, are striving to create not only Plan A (everything goes smoothly), Plan B (something goes wrong), but also plans C, D and all the letters of alphabet for every minor issue you possibly may encounter, be sure you will not advance too far in this case.

4 Creating an overly-exaggerated moving out of your parents house checklist

Again, this is the result of the belief that everything must be perfect. Create a small checklist with the most necessary things you need to have for the first week of moving in to your new place. The rest you may buy later.

For example, you may not need desktop PC the first day you moved in. You may transport it from your room in parents house on the following weekend.

If your new place does not have a washing machine, that’s not a tragedy either. I’m pretty sure you may find some decent laundry service around your block. Or ask your friend, who has the washing machine, for help.

5 Make a strong decision

If you’re a cautious person, this tip may fire back on you.

In fact, you do not have to be 100% sure to move out from parents.

6 Reach a certain age

No, no, no. If you’re able to cover your basic needs living on your own, you’re ready to leave, whether you’re 16 or 35 years old.

7 Your parents should stimulate you

While some parents harshly stimulate their children to leave the nest right after they graduate from school, other ones may be neutral or even prefer their kids to stay with them longer.

At the same time they may believe that children should move out some day in the future. But this future never comes.

Do not rely on your parents for this decision.

Find out more about excuses your parents may use to keep you beside them.

8 Find a love partner first

You may argue that there’s no reason for you to move out from parents before you find a love partner.

Wrong. In fact, it’s harder to find a love partner while you live with parents.

The reason is obvious: the other person may consider you as immature because you still live with parents. Thus s/he may refuse build any relationship with you.

9 Become financially independent before moving out from parents

It’s unlikely that you may reach this goal living with your parents.

As long as you live with them high chance is that you’re going to stay in your childish financially dependent mindset, which does not help make more money.

Human brain does not like to work, it likes to have a rest and have fun.

Comfort conditions of your parents’ house anti-stimulate it. You may wish to change the situation, earn more money, build a career, but your brain, realizing that it may relax instead of working now, will, for sure, put off taking any action as long as it can.

***

It is hard to leave the cozy environment your loving parents have built for you. You lived there whole life, you’re used to it.

However, moving out and finding your own place to live is an exceptionally necessary step, which you should not ignore, if you want to be considered as an adult.

Your parents will be proud of you in the end, even if they don’t say so now.

Featured image by Stuart Miles, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Please do share this article if you are feeling thankful :)

People’s loyalty serves you as a safety net in the human society. If you experience a setback in your life one day, you may count on some help from those, whose demands you satisfied back in a day.

Let’s use the business analogy: the more customers’ demands your company satisfies, the more money it makes, right? Then why it is wrong to try to please each and everyone around you? There’s one thing we forgot to take into consideration.

If we go along with the business analogy, what we’ve forgotten to mention is that every company has its capacity. Capacity is the amount of “pleasing” it can provide to a customer before beginning to hurt itself.

Let’s assume an example. A customer comes into a shoe shop. He wants to buy new shoes. He looks at the price. It’s pretty high. So he asks the salesperson for some discount, let’s say, 10%. If company’s capacity permits to make a discount of such an amount, the salesperson agrees to please the customer and satisfy his demand.

However, if this discount goes beyond shop’s capacity, i.e. it will lose money by giving away one-tenth of the shoes’ price, the salesperson rejects the customer’s demand. And no matter how hard the customer may beg for the discount, the salesperson cannot please him.

A commercial structure can provide service to the customers while its capacity permits it to do it. While almost every corporation nowadays claims that its mission is to serve the customer and please his or her (or its, if it’s another business organization) wishes at once, it still has very definite set of boundaries how far it may go with this approach.

Every commercial company’s (no matter how big or small) management has a clear realization of that fact that it cannot please a customer if it harms the company’s income in a dangerous way. If the company’s management becomes careless enough to give the clients too much, it will lead to the bankruptcy.

The same applies to you as a person. You are your company, the shoe shop, you are responsible for.
In terms of human life, capacity is the time available to you, your mental well-being. If you’ll spend to much of it on your customers, you’ll go bankrupt eventually. It will be expressed in prostration, nervous breakdown, low self-esteem, self-beating, and in tens of other very unpleasant things.

You’ll spend a lot of time (and money) on recovering and restoring your capacity. During this time neither you can function properly, nor people’s demands can be satisfied.

What if the manufacturer of your favorite product goes so far with pleasing its clients (for example, making big discounts and making them too often) and ends as a bankrupt? I guess, you’d be sorry that you can not acquire this product anymore, wouldn’t you?

It’s a lose-lose situation.

Be cautious. Whenever you feel like going beyond the amount of resources you may give to other people, take a break. Take time to restore them. There’s no dignity in sacrificing yourself for other people so much, that you cannot function any further.

Please do share this article if you are feeling thankful :)

I am not good enough – a common excuse for inaction, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what area of life we’re talking about. This excuse is universal.

It may take different shapes like “I’m not ready” or “I am not prepared”, but it’s still the same.

I am not good enough to start a business. I am not good enough to apply for that job. I am not good enough to make friends with that cool person. I am not good enough to ask that girl out.

Why? Because I need to learn something. I need to get a little bit more experience before I can apply for that job. I need more money before I can approach that girl. I need to get in shape before making friends. I need to get an excellent life, because nobody wants to be friends with mediocrity. I need to read one more PUA book. I need one more day/week/month/decade to… It’s endless.

The key point here is to realize that this statement is only true in your subjective reality. The objective reality may disagree with you. Other people’s subjective realities may disagree with you.

Consider the following example: if you record your voice, and then listen to the record, you will probably get a feeling that the recorded voice is similar to you, but not exactly the same, which you’re used to hear in your mind and interpret as your real outside voice other people hear. Right?

The same applies to the excuse “I am not good enough”. The truth of this belief can be called into question.

You can go further and find evidence everywhere, which proves that the statement You are not good enough is wrong. Look around and you will see lots of examples that your estimations about reality are not correct.

Many people do what you think you are not good enough to do. For example, many people successfully run their businesses without having any education. Shy guys date girls without reading a book on seduction. Average people with average jobs have friends. When they meet they discuss their average lives and problems, nothing extraordinary.

You may say: “Yes, they have it all. But I don’t, because I’m not good enough.” OK, how have you concluded that you are not good enough? Did you conduct a study recently?

The truth is that this belief was formed long time ago, when you were a child. It had stuck in your mind and heart, so now you continue using this outdated belief. But every belief is revised from time to time. For example, people used to believe that the sun rotates around the earth, and gods live on Olympus. But some research and facts analysis proved the opposite.

If you assume that you are not good enough, you’re building a transaction: I’m not OK – they are OK. It’s a losing approach.

The winning approach is to build a I’m OK – They’re OK transaction with the outside world.

How do you do it?

Give yourself a permission to be good enough on your inner scale. Lower your bar mentally. Nobody forces you to keep it so high. Other people’s scales are their problem. There’s no any Unified Scale of Goodenoughness (recommended by the Universal Committee of Goodenoughness). It’s just you who decides if you’re above or under the bar (and if it exists).

In fact, you do not need it at all. What’s the point to rely on it if it is completely subjective? There’s no sense to have such a scale. It’s like using a broken compass. Throw it away and create another one, which will guide you the way you want to go.

Please do share this article if you are feeling thankful :)