Tag Archives: self improvement

Think For Yourself

To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

Earlier this year I turned 30 and this post pretty much sums up my life experience for the last decade.

I procrastinated on writing my thoughts down regarding this event for half a year. Mostly due to the high stress to make it perfect I had put on my shoulders. Such dates happen just once, so it felt like I had to hone every detail of this post to perfection.

Every thought must be thought through and shine brighter than the sun,” – I thought. The old good perfectionism, bottom line.

Eventually, I figured out that if I do not wake up early next morning and start writing right off the bat, it will be delayed till 40 year old anniversary and so on. But there’s still a hope even in this case: probably someone would be kind enough and sum up my life experience for me in the form of an epitaph?.. Haha, just a pinch of black humor.

But let’s get back on track.

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We are culturally conditioned to consider round anniversaries as some milestone in our life. On such dates we tend to judge our previous life, make existential conclusions, regret the mistakes and missed opportunities. We may get nostalgic about some delightful moments we experienced in the passed years and get sad knowing those years will never come back.

So, although technically, it was just another year of my life came to an end, whether I wanted it or not, I started asking myself questions, uncomfortable and disturbing ones including.

Have I created something meaningful in the last decade? Have I developed any skills? Was I enjoying my life at all during those years?

What mistakes have I made along the way? Which of them I would keep for the purpose of growth experience, which ones would I try to avoid completely if I started over?

What lessons did I learn? And how would I like to spend my 30s and the rest of my life in the light of those lessons?

Some questions were easy to answer, others I would like to be never asked. For a number of them I still can’t figure out the final responses.

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However, there’s a thesis I’d like my 30+, 40+ and so on year old me to follow. Here it is: think for yourself. Continue reading Think For Yourself

Why It Is Important To Stop Pleasing Each and Everyone Around You

The idea of pleasing everyone around you may look quite appealing. Here’s the logic: the more people you please, the more they like you, the more secure you feel yourself in the end.

People’s loyalty serves you as a safety net in the human society. If you experience a setback in your life one day, you may count on some help from those, whose demands you satisfied back in a day.

Let’s use the business analogy: the more customers’ demands your company satisfies, the more money it makes, right? Then why it is wrong to try to please each and everyone around you? There’s one thing we forgot to take into consideration. Continue reading Why It Is Important To Stop Pleasing Each and Everyone Around You

Do You Like Making Decisions For Other People Without Their Consent?

Introductory example

Today (03/25) I was cleaning the street: nothing unusual. However, the weather was dry, and it was quite dusty around. So while I was sweeping, the dust was rising up and the wind was carrying it to the windows of the nearby building (some of which were open).

So while I was doing it, a detailed dialog took place in my head. I imagined people in this building get irritated by all the dust that floats into their rooms. Someone sticks his head out the window and starts yelling at me.

After this dialog took place in my head, my emotional state changed dramatically. My good mood disappeared without a trace and I got angry at that person I was arguing with in my mind, and who I didn’t even know!

After I calmed down I started thinking rationally again: “WTF?! How come I ruined my good emotional state and got anger at that hypothetical person by simply simulating a conversation inside my head? Is it fair that I’ve changed my attitude toward him/her, from neutral to hostile, without even talking to her/him? How come that I made a decision that person doesn’t like me or what I’m doing for him/her?” Continue reading Do You Like Making Decisions For Other People Without Their Consent?

I’m not good enough

Morpheus: What If I Told You You Are Good Enough.

I am not good enough – a common excuse for inaction, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what area of life we’re talking about. This excuse is universal.

It may take different shapes like “I’m not ready” or “I am not prepared”, but it’s still the same.

I am not good enough to start a business. I am not good enough to apply for that job. I am not good enough to make friends with that cool person. I am not good enough to ask that girl out. Continue reading I’m not good enough