From one of my top articles, called How To Get Invited To A Party, you may grasp which social tactics to use in order to deal with an issue of not being invited to parties.
This time let’s consider the opposite situation. You are a host, and you do not want to invite someone to your party.
Obviously, you have only two ways out of this condition: either invite that person or not to invite that person.
Here are pros and cons of each option.
Not to invite:
The advantage of this choice is clear: that person will not come to your party. However, there are some unpleasant disadvantages you should pay attention to.
First one is that the person, essentially, may get offended by your rejection. Depending on the person’s character, s/he may not reveal it. However, be ready to explain why you are not inviting that person to your party. The best explanation I can think of right now, is to tell that person, that s/he will be bored by people you’re going to invite, and by party overall. Not sure if it’s the best option under your circumstances, but it may work out. If the person continues to insist, well, as a tactful man you will have no choice but to let that person come.
By the way, there’s a workaround in this case. You may suggest the person to come to another party you are throwing. If the party you’re arranging is birthday party, you may consider breaking it in several… “episodes”. Arrange one party for each group you are in. For example, for some time I was well in two separate groups of friends. However, it would be a disaster to arrange one birthday party for both groups as they were quite different in a lot of ways. So I simply split my birthday into two parties: one for each group.
Another “trick” is not to tell that person about the party. There is a smell of cheating in the air, but most people do it. The problem is that if you and that person have mutual friends, those friends may tell him/her that you’re throwing a party, which will result in embarrassing situation. Again, depending on the person you don’t want to invite, s/he either will nurse a grievance against you, or will ask you about the party and invitation openly.
OK, now let’s talk about what actually happens if you invite that person. I do not know true reasons why you don’t want that friend of yours to be at your party, so I’ll just try to guess.
Will that person look immature comparatively to other guests? Does s/he act in a way that does not match your other friends’ regular style of interacting? Perhaps, making a fool of him/herself? Like that guy, who climbed up the tree, from the Transformers movie? Maybe s/he tells lame jokes you do not want other persons to listen to?
You’re afraid that it will make harm to the party, your friends will be irritated. But do you actually worry about your friends being dissatisfied? No. You worry about yourself: you don’t want your social status in this group to be harmed.
How do you think it will affect you personally? Do you feel in charge of that friend’s behavior? You do not want to invite that person, not actually because of that person, but because you do not want your other friends, whose opinions are important to you, to think about you in a negative way. Maybe you are thinking that they will project your friend’s silly behavior onto you?
That’s all completely understandable. But let me tell you from my experience that a high chance is that the unwelcome guest, who plays the fool when you are one on one, will correct his/her behavior.
If s/he is really no match for the people who gathered for the party (no common interest to discuss, different sense of humor), that guy or girl will likely be silent all evening long, get bored in the first hour, figure out that s/he doesn’t fit in (as you warned him/her) and make a decision to leave. However, s/he may stay a little later in order not to offend the host (i.e., you).
Of course, every case is unique. Despite all the statistics there’s still a chance something unexpected will occur. For example, that person you were avoiding to invite may start confronting the other guest. Once I invited a guy, who was not among my closest friends, but still interesting person to talk to. So I thought that he would add “something new and fresh” to the party. And he started arguing with my other (close) friend, insulting him. Well, that was kind of uncomfortable situation. He left in an hour or so. I just said something like “Sorry, I didn’t expect that from him”, but I do not think my friends needed any excuses from me anyway. The incident was immediately forgotten.
“Blah-blah-blah… I’m fed up with your theoretical reasoning, now what should I do?”
Keep calm and…
If the person is just an acquaintance, feel free to choose and use any described above method.
However, if that person is your true friend, then I would recommend you invite him/her to the party, despite any doubts and fears you may keep inside. I did the opposite several times. Now I regret about it. So learn from my mistakes, not yours 😉
In this article you will find out how to get invited to a party (infographics and video included).
Is it common for somebody to throw a party and you not be invited?
When it comes to partying, shy people tend to get the short end of the stick. The rejection of not being invited can make you think the party host either didn’t want you there or just forgot to ask you to come.
“Why Wasn’t I Invited To A Party?”
Questions may start to swirl in your head:
– “Why I wasn’t invited to a party?”
– “Should I ask to get invited to a party?”
These negative thoughts can vary but the core idea behind them is the same: you’d like to join in on the fun and you’re not invited. Worst off, this negativity can spill over into more parties, meaning you miss out on party after party.
What are some of the reasons you are not being invited to a party? Well, omit the obvious one that you and the host of a personal issue going on. As such, there are just two other reasons:
1 – You and The Host Are Not Close
If you and the host barely know each other – mere acquaintances – then the host may be hesitant in inviting you to a party he/she is throwing.
2 – You Don’t Portray Yourself As A Party Person
Believe it or not, how you portray yourself may determine if you do or do not get invited to parties. If people see you as not the partying type, they’re not likely to invite you to a party they are throwing.
For example: you may have a reputation for being the loner type – someone who doesn’t mind spending time by themselves every day. For that reason, people may not think that you’d be interested in attending a party.
Keep in mind that doesn’t mean your character is incompatible with parties. It only means that people have seen just one side of you. If you’re going to change how people perceive you, you need to display that party-side personality… and you have to do it by getting into a party.
How Do I Get Invited To A Party?
Well, that’s the real question, isn’t it? Believe it or not, all you have to do is stop guessing and just ask the host if you can come. If you don’t know him/her, ask a friend to introduce the two of you. That’s all you have to do!
You might think that’s the end of this article, right? Wrong! After all, being forward with your request can be downright intimidating, and if you could do it, you would have already.
So, with that in mind, there are several other options that you need to use to ensure you get an invitation to the party – all without having to be straightforward.
1 – Buy/Create A Gift
If the party you want to go to is a birthday party, consider bringing a gift. After all, it’s the most effective way to be invited to the party. Be sure you purchase a tiny symbolic present (or, if you have the skills, make one). Show up to the place the party will be and give it to the host. Once there, you’re likely be invited to stay and partake in the fun.
Should things not work out the way you planned, you can always say you weren’t going to party tonight and just wanted to pay the host a visit and tell them Happy Birthday because you were in the neighborhood.
Keep in mind that the technique only works if you do know the host… even if they’re just an acquaintance.
2 – Arrange Coincidence
If the party is being held at a local club or bar, consider showing up at the same time. This makes it look inconspicuous that you’re actually trying to be invited to the party. It’s likely that while you’re having a drink at the bar, your friends will notice and invite you over to partake in the fun.
The technique can work even if you’re unfamiliar with the host but someone from the party knows you and will introduce the host and the other party members to you.
3 – Use A Car
In my previous articles, I mentioned the significance of using a car. However, I’m going over it once more. The idea is to use your car to pick up friends and bring them to the location where the party is being held. It’s highly probable that your gesture gets you an invitation to the party.
4 – Show Some Curiosity
If you know the person putting together a party and they didn’t invite you, ask him/her some information about it:
– What kind of party event is it – birthday, anniversary, New Year’s, etc.
– When will it take place?
– Where will it be at?
– Who’s being invited?
Consider starting the conversation by saying something along the lines of: “Hey, I heard you were throwing a party”. By being curious about the party, the host may decide to invite you while you’re talking. If not, don’t be shy. Go ahead and ask if you can join in the fun.
Be aware… this will only work if you know the party host.
There you go! These are just some of the methods you can use to get invited to a party. If you think they’ll work for you, you can acclimate them into your personality or use them as is.
If you’re in your late teens or early twenties, it’s possible you have yet to step into a nightclub. Should that be the case, you’re probably wondering what to expect when you go to visit one alone. Well, there are three things you can expect: people, prices and nightlife atmosphere.
Now, if you’ve been to a nightclub, there’s no real reason to read this article, as the information pertains to people who have yet to enter one.
I’m fairly certain there are a lot of people who have no clue about how to behave once they get inside a nightclub. In fact, as I write this article, my mind is thinking back to seven years ago when I was so eager to get into a club myself. However, I was really timorous (nervous) because I had no idea what to expect when I finally got in.
This article is geared toward people who want to visit this type of place but are a bit hesitant to do so – perhaps from the lack of knowledge of what to do or how to act in a nightclub alone. Well, don’t wonder any longer!
Time: When Should You Go
Okay, you probably already know that Fridays and Saturdays are the busy nights for a nightclub. In fact, their busiest time – the time most people are in the club – is between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. The club may open at 8 p.m. but not many folks will visit at that time. If you’re anxious your first time out, I suggest visiting during the early hours – when the club is less likely to be crowded.
How To Dress For The Club
How you should dress will depend on the nightclub you’re going to. If it’s a typical club, casual clothing will do just fine – T-shirt and a pair of jeans. It’s possible people will wear fashionable clothes. Of course, you shouldn’t go after brand names; just clothes that’ll fit you well.
A nightclub’s atmosphere is quite stuffy so it would be best not to wear too many clothes. And, if the weather is cold, consider handing your jacket the cloakroom worker.
Some clubs will throw holiday-themed parties (Halloween party, for example). These kinds of parties require visitors to don special costumes or look unusual to get into the club.
Getting Into The Club
Many nightclubs require visitors to pay an entrance fee to get into the nightclub. You’re also likely to be stamped on the arm or be given a bracelet, so if you go out at any time, you can gain entrance again without paying once more.
What To Expect Inside The Club
When you go to a nightclub for the first time, you’re going to be in an unfamiliar situation. If you want to adapt quickly, consider learning where the bar is as soon as possible so that you can get your drinking on. Stand by the bar, sipping your drink to observe everything around you.
Keep in mind that you’ll pay more for your drinks – as they’re usually up to three times higher than what you’d pay outside the club. So, bring some additional cash with you.
Depending on the club size, it may have a number of dancefloors, bars and chill-out zones. If you start to feel anxious, start walking around – move to another stage or bar. Strike up a conversation with people who are near you. If you want, get on the dancefloor and get your groove on.
One of the biggest misconceptions people have about clubs is that they must dance. Here’s the scoop: if you don’t want to dance, you don’t have to. Just want to drink at the bar, listen to the music and watch others dance, go for it!
One Final Thought
When you go to a nightclub for the first time, you may feel like a whole new world just opened up to you. The more you visit them, the less powerful that impression will be. In fact, you may soon find it’s nothing special.
Your imagination, friends’ stories, movies and music videos may over-exaggerate your vision and expectations of the nightclub life. Yes, memorable events can happen from time to time. But, the reality is nightclub life is a down-to-earth leisure activity… a place to kick back, drink, dance and have a good time with a bunch of other folks – not what you see in the movie “Hangover” or something similar. 😉
The key to getting a social life is to find and join a social circle whose members are united by a common thread – in this instance – by going out a lot. If you’ve managed to do this, your social life is set. You’ll feel happy for quite some time if you’ve achieved this goal.
Of course, accomplishing the goal is the tricky part. There are so many uncertain questions such as:
1 – How do I find a social group?
2 – How can I join in that social group?
3 – How do I relate to the other members of the social group?
It’s very difficult to find and join an already established group of friends. I had to think and think how I could do this very thing. I was desperate, thinking I’d never make it. You’ll have these very same thoughts. But, here’s what you need to remember: each time you fail, get back on your feet and try again. As the old saying goes, “Winners are not those who never fail but those who never quit.”
So, What Is The Difficulty In Finding and Joining That Kind Of Social Group?
One significant obstacle is that groups like these are not explicitly announced. Explicitly announced social groups are ones that you can become a member of just by following some transparent guidelines the group has set. For instance, a hobby class or job are examples of explicit social groups. Why is that?
First off, they’re explicitly announced. Job offers are stated openly on the Internet and in magazines, which means you can easily find them. A job offer also has clearly stated guidelines including the following:
– How you can join
– The level of skills you’ll need
You’ll have to write a cover letter, send in your resume and come in for an interview.
If you go through these steps, you have a high chance of being hired for the job and joining the social group of co-workers.
The same also true of hobby classes, which are often announced through social media and bulletin boards. There are clear guidelines of how you can take part in the class:
– Show up
– Sign in
– Pay for the classes
Once you do all that, you’ll become a part of the class’s social group.
It’s a little trickier to get involved with social groups that are united by friendship. These are folks who are friends with one another already. You just can’t go up to a group of friends and try to become a part of the group.
Yes, there are some instances where you could (and should) try to join this kind of group. For example, you’re sitting at a bar and a group of friends are talking, consider adding in your two cents worth to the conversation. You’re not going to be a member of the group right off the bat. But, it does get your noticed.
However, these groups have no set guidelines for you to follow. Well, maybe there is one guideline, which is that you have to have something in common with them. Does it help? Not really!
Plus, there are no announcements about a group of always on the go friends looking for new members.
How Do You Join A Social Group That Goes Out Often?
My advice… use an approach that’s slower but solid. Whatever method you feel comfortable with is what you should use. The best thing you can do is have someone from the group introduce you to the rest of them.
When you apply to a bank for credit or a job, recommendations are extremely worthwhile. The more you have, the better for you. When you get a person’s recommendation, you’re seen as credible. The same theory applies to this situation. Would you relate better to strangers if someone you knew was actually vouching for them than if they just approached you on the street?
The best thing you need to do is establish a deep connection with one person – a member of a social group you’d like to join. Once you’ve done that, you can begin building relationships with the other group members. In time, you can become real good friends with them. This is certainly what you’re looking for.
How Can You Find That Person Who Has A Healthy Social Life
What you need to do is identify the person who has the healthy social life. These folks tend to be very sociable, which you can recognize by their talking about their social life.
Before we divulge any further, take a little time now to consider what pals of yours are members of a larger social group… if you have any. If you do, deepen that friendship. If you don’t have a lot of people around you, join an explicitly stated social group to surround yourself by more folks. When you do this, you boost your chances to find that sociable one who can help you to get a social life too.
Below is a diagram to help you better understand what I am talking about:
1. Join some explicit social group (job, hobby class, etc.) to be around people;
2. Identify a sociable person (the member of a group of friends that are always going out). Deepen your relationship with him/her;
3. Have that person introduce you to the other group members.