“To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment
Earlier this year I turned 30 and this post pretty much sums up my life experience for the last decade.
I procrastinated on writing my thoughts down regarding this event for half a year. Mostly due to the high stress to make it perfect I had put on my shoulders. Such dates happen just once, so it felt like I had to hone every detail of this post to perfection.
“Every thought must be thought through and shine brighter than the sun,” – I thought. The old good perfectionism, bottom line.
Eventually, I figured out that if I do not wake up early next morning and start writing right off the bat, it will be delayed till 40 year old anniversary and so on. But there’s still a hope even in this case: probably someone would be kind enough and sum up my life experience for me in the form of an epitaph?.. Haha, just a pinch of black humor.
But let’s get back on track.
We are culturally conditioned to consider round anniversaries as some milestone in our life. On such dates we tend to judge our previous life, make existential conclusions, regret the mistakes and missed opportunities. We may get nostalgic about some delightful moments we experienced in the passed years and get sad knowing those years will never come back.
So, although technically, it was just another year of my life came to an end, whether I wanted it or not, I started asking myself questions, uncomfortable and disturbing ones including.
Have I created something meaningful in the last decade? Have I developed any skills? Was I enjoying my life at all during those years?
What mistakes have I made along the way? Which of them I would keep for the purpose of growth experience, which ones would I try to avoid completely if I started over?
What lessons did I learn? And how would I like to spend my 30s and the rest of my life in the light of those lessons?
Some questions were easy to answer, others I would like to be never asked. For a number of them I still can’t figure out the final responses.
However, there’s a thesis I’d like my 30+, 40+ and so on year old me to follow. Here it is: think for yourself. Continue reading Think For Yourself