Tag Archives: dating

Building Up Your Confidence When Dating

When dating, it can sometimes be a little baffling to us as to why someone is interested in dating us. Here’s how to build up your confidence and know what you deserve.

Find Someone With Similar Interests

When dating, it can be a big confidence boost if you find someone who is into similar stuff to you. We often find it hard to talk to others about topics we are not quite so knowledgeable about so it is always handy if we meet someone who knows a thing or two about something we are passionate about and are also able to hold a conversation.

Passion for something will often take over and your shyness gets put to one side as you reason as to why you feel this particular way or that way. Knowing that someone is interested in what we have to say is great for the ego.

Get A Little Naughty

Dating can mean a few different things. You can be dating someone exclusively or just dating – not dating anyone in particular but keeping your options open. A great way to get a confidence boost is by dating a few different people at a time. This is not to say do it behind their backs – actually make it clear from the offset that you are interested in going on dates with a few different people. Continue reading Building Up Your Confidence When Dating

32 Reasons Why You Can’t Get a Girlfriend

1 You make too few attempts

Best way to get a girlfriend is to make as many approaches as possible, until you succeed.

95% of guys who ask Google why can’t i find a girlfriend merely make too few attempts.

Here’s how it looks like:

An average guy approaches a girl and gets rejected. Then he waits for half a year to try again.

Fear of rejection may hold you back, but reiteration is literally the best way to get a girlfriend fast.

Walk up to a girl you like no matter which circumstances you may find yourself under, have a quick chat and ask for a phone number.

If you perform the above sequence of actions enough times, you’ll definitely get a date, which is the confident preerquisite for everything else.

2 You wait for The Princess aka Perfect Someone

Probably you have an unclear silhouette of a perfect girlfriend in your head. Perhaps, you even may describe her characteristics. Are you sure such a person really exists?

3 You give up too fast, after the first rejection

You ask a girl out for coffee. She says No. She says she’s busy. Then you give up.

What if I told you, she might be actually busy that evening. Why don’t you try again in a week or two?

Intersexual relationships may be tricky sometimes. No means Yes, and all that. But why don’t you make one more attempt just to make things clear?

4 You live with parents in your late 20s. You can afford living on your own, but you do not move out because you’ve chosen to stay in comfort conditions of parental home.

This is a big red flag for most women, who may consider you as an eventual boyfriend.

If you have income which covers your basic needs in food and room, think of moving out of your parents’ home as soon as possible.

Living on your own is among the best ways to get a girlfriend.

Please, be aware of 9 worst tips for moving out of your parents’ house.

5 You are a “nice guy”. And it’s not a compliment.

6 You have appearance issues you can easily solve (bad breath, dirty close, etc.)

Sometimes it’s banal negligence that makes a girl not want to consider you as a boyfriend.

7 You obsess over physical aspects of your body you can’t change (height, weight, bald head, etc.)

This is quite a widespread excuse for no girlfriend. A man finds some flaw (which may not really be a flaw) in his body and focuses on it.

The image of a handsome, finely dressed man is propagandized by companies, the only goal of which is to make you buy their products.

If you take a walk along the street you may notice that there’re all types of couples.

8 You try to be the best and the most perfect one.

People actually love imperfect ones. Read why.

9 You expect a girl to make the first move. You do not initiate social interaction.

While there are cases when a woman initiates communication with the romantic purpose, there’re too few of them to be considered as the way things actually are.

Most women still prefer a guy to approach them. These are just the rules of the game.

10 You hang out with the group of people who dominate over you, so your personality is not seen.

It may happen that people you usually hang out with tend to relate to you as someone less important. Or someone whose opinion can be easily ignored. They may assert themselves at your expense.

Such social group may be the cause why you cannot get a girlfriend. A woman sees that you occupy an inferior position among other males in your group. This fact makes you less desirable to her.

11 You avoid public places (where most social interactions take place, including social networks)

12 You dwell on your past mistakes as well as on bygone glorious victories

People have a natural tendency to ruminate over their past.

Sometimes you may remember some shameful public situation or a goofy mistake you made long ago. That’s OK. That is how we use our experience to achieve better results in the future.

However, if you focus on the negative side of your past too much, you may start catastrophizing those events and bringing in unproductive definitions as always and never.

“I always make fool of myself in public.”

“I never do anything right.”

The opposite extreme is to concentrate on your victories only. You may shape a self-image of a highly successful person who always wins, which is based on your thoughts and impression of your bygone days (not actual facts).

This will result in unrealistically high expectations, so every failure you’ll ever experience, will cause unnecessary pain.

In the case of getting a girlfirend problem, you may dwell on one regular rejection too heavily, and come up with a delusional idea, that your next attempt will end the same way.

Or, when you were in the elementary school, you were popular among the girls — usually they made the first move.

Now you project those events onto the current circumstances.

So when you do not get desired results, you get confused and unhappy, because your expectations were not met as you thought they would.

13 You complain way too much. You’re hooked on self-pity emotional junk

“I find it fascinatingly stupid for average dudes to sit around in a mediocre forum discussing how they will die virgins, and all of them will come back to such place to consume more and more of such negative energy!”

14 You are not disciplined to approach women on a regular basis

15 You are too picky

You find a flaw in every girl you meet. I’m pretty sure, you’ll find a drawback or too in The Princess you’re waiting for as well.

All people have one or another negative aatribute, you including.

16 You’re too focused on your study/job, and do not make time for the romantic affairs

Perhaps, it’s just defensive mechanism, or you really do love studying/working so much that you completely ignore other areas of your life.

17 In the beginning of an acquaintance you do not state clearly that you see the girl as a romantic partner. So you find yourself in the friend zone eventually.king of friendzone got

18 You wait for the perfect moment when you feel emotionally, financially, physically great to approach a girl (which never ever happens).

You believe that public success, fame, money will make girls longing for spending a date with you. Partly it’s true, but it’s unlikely it will get you the girl you really want.

19 You’re afraid to reveal your personality traits in public

20 You build walls instead of bridges. You avoid straight ways like simply walk up to a girl you like and say Hi.

You come up with messy  plans how to get that girl. However, you will not get any score for the original approach. You delay the results you want, and it’s just ineffective.

21 Too much of glamour inside to meet a real life girl. You’ve seen too many photoshopped pictures and watched too many polished videos and anime to be attracted to a real woman.

22 You overthink things

23 Some girls find you attractive. You miss those opportunities.

They aren’t good enough for you, are they?

24 You draw fast conclusions why this or that girl does not suit you without even talking to her, just by her appearance

25 You get too close too quickly

26 You read and theorize way too much. You want to know how things work before trying them first-hand.

27 You do not have other interests in your life

28 You avoid touching a girl by all means

29 You’re afraid to compete with other guys

30 You’re looking in the wrong places (nightclubs, if you don’t like to dance, crowded groups of friends if it’s hard for you to communicate in such environment)

31 You’ve built a fake image of yourself and are trying to sell it. You present yourself as rich when you’re broke, as confident when you are not, etc.

32 You do not think for yourself. You rely on someone’s else experience and opinion, this list including, instead of getting your own hands-on results.

Featured image by nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Screw Up that First Message: 5 Tips To Make Sure You Get A Date!

We’ve talked a lot about dating on this site, but something we haven’t talked about is how to get that date to begin with.

This week we’re going to delve a bit deep into the psychology of online dating, and more importantly, what kind of messages you should be sending in order to get a woman’s interest and get that first date. Continue reading Don’t Screw Up that First Message: 5 Tips To Make Sure You Get A Date!

I’m not good enough

Morpheus: What If I Told You You Are Good Enough.

I am not good enough – a common excuse for inaction, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what area of life we’re talking about. This excuse is universal.

It may take different shapes like “I’m not ready” or “I am not prepared”, but it’s still the same.

I am not good enough to start a business. I am not good enough to apply for that job. I am not good enough to make friends with that cool person. I am not good enough to ask that girl out. Continue reading I’m not good enough

Ignore Clichés, Be Positive: 4 Key Tips To Help You Handle First Dates Jitters and Negative Nerves

First dates… they are extremely nerve-wracking. This is especially true if you don’t know what to do, how to act or what to say. However, with a few helpful pieces of advice, you can make the first date experience better for you… and your date!

The Aim Behind First Dates: What You Could Be Doing Wrong

It’s important to define what the aim of a first date is. If you’ve got little to no experience in the dating world, it’s important you have some kind of checklist on hand. This list tends to include the rules and clichés of various television shows and movies. They even come from friends and families or the Internet. You probably think that the first date must end with a kiss; perhaps you think it needs to end with sex. Here’s a clue for you: that would be the ultimate fail.

Believe it or not, I also had those same beliefs. It made me feel uncomfortable and too nervous during the date to really have a good time. In fact, all I had were negative emotions. The desire to spend my good time with a woman conflicted with the negative emotions I was feeling. It seemed like I was obligated to do the following things:

– Smile

– Hold hands

– Hug her

– Kiss her

If I didn’t do these things, I put some serious blame on myself. And, for that reason, I hated dating.

How To Have A Positive and Fun First Date

Of course, there are many folks who like to date; they have fun and experience positive emotions from it. This caused me to wonder if I was using correct dating approach. Of course, the correct dating approach is all a matter of perspective, isn’t it?

How can you change your image of dating from a negative one to a positive one? How you can stop resisting it and actually begin enjoying your first date experience? The first thing you must do is disregard that “to-do” list and ignore it – every bit of it including the clichés and stereotypes. Dating in the real world is not the same as dating in the movies or television. A date is not scripted; it’s spontaneous. And, it can turn out in a hundred different ways.

It does not matter how hard you try to go through the various scenarios in your head, the date will never pan out exactly the way you want. You communicate in person, not through computers. This person has her own thoughts and feelings and will have a view on how the date should also go.

What should be your perspective going into the first date? Consider looking at it as an exhibition… an event. The idea of this “event” is to demonstrate various things to visitors. Your visitors will walk along, observe the items, listen to the presentation of those items and study them. In many exaggerated cases, visitors are unable to touch items. This is how you should view a first date – a visitor or item. You and your partner have roles in this event. You’re an item that’s being studied and watched. You’re also a visitor who is watching and observing your partner. This approach means you won’t have to worry with “what comes next”. There’s no reason to take action unless you want to. You don’t have to worry with holding hands or kissing.

The idea is to have a good time, watching the other person and making yourself present – smile, talk, listen, eat, etc. You don’t want to have to worry about what to do on your first date. And, with the above approach, you’re likely to feel less stressed and anxious about it. As you become more experienced in the dating world, you can branch out to things that you feel comfortable with.

4 Additional First Date Tips To Keep In Mind

Now, it’s on to the more practical advice of first dates.

1 – Where Should The First Date Be Spent?

There are all kinds of clichés and when it comes to knowing where to spend that first date, you don’t have to ‘outdo” yourself. Rather, go to a place that makes you feel at ease – restaurant, café, bar, etc. You might want to make a great first impression by taking your date to a fancy restaurant. But, the reality is this: how will you feel in that place? Will you feel comfortable and not so nervous? Will you feel awkward? Whatever you’re feeling, your date is going to pick up on and it’s important you’re exhibiting pleasant feelings. This “mood and feeling” can positively or negatively affect the rest of the date.

There’s nothing wrong or shameful about spending a first date in a homely café, as long as the people, service and overall atmosphere are decent. Some of my best dates have been spent in a café.

2 – Where To Meet Your Date? Should You Pick Them Up?

If this is your first date with someone, it’s best to meet them at the location you talked about. Your date may not be comfortable with the idea of you picking them up at their home, especially if you’re just meeting for the first time. It really depends on the person; but, it’s really a good idea to meet in a public location first. If you have a good-looking car you want to show off, do it after the date by taking them home.

3 – Who Pays For The Date?

Most women will wait for a man to pay for dates. But, there are instances where women have offered to pay so don’t get offended if she does. When this happens, consider splitting the bill instead.

4 –When Should The Date End?

You certainly don’t want to make an all-night of a first date. A first date shouldn’t last more than an hour or two. If you want to spend more time with her, consider walking her to the bus stop or take her home by your vehicle.

The above tips are things I have used during my first date experience. As you become more experienced in the dating world, you will learn some techniques of your own and apply the ones that work best for you. It’s my hope that I’ve helped you in some small way.

January 2nd, 2012. Revised: August 8th, 2012

Before you go, you may also be interested in my “Getting a Social Life From Scratch” Series. Click here for advice and personal stories on building your social life from zero point.